Survival Pill

We evolve constantly.

Everyday.

We think we are the best judges of our behaviour and personalities. But sometimes even we are surprised at how we tend to react in certain situations and scenarios.

All of my life I have been surrounded by life. I was desperate for some me-time. I craved for that. And I immensely enjoyed that whenever and whatever little I got. Even now one year away from home, there are weekends when I just flew to my empty house down south to just breathe. To sleep in my bed under my blankets without having to interact with anyone and to escape from my friends and surroundings.

But I also discovered too much me-time makes me bored and cranky to the extent that I feel extremely sad. I snap at people, cry meaninglessly and I am at my worse as if I am having the worst case of PMS. I need people in my life, but I cannot have too much of them. There should be a balance of the human energy around me that neither it should suffocate me or leave me stranded.

I don’t know to explain this strong urge to be alone at times and to be in a crowd at other times. I was never able to find a proper balance between them until now. I just take off from places that make me stifle a smile or makes it impossible to take a deep breath. I still don’t know whether it’s a good thing or should restrain from doing so, and find an alternative.

But this is how I survive this world.

This is how I find my happiness in my chaos.

This is how I seek peace within me.

This is my survival pill.