I am selfie person. Though I don’t share them in my FB feed 24*7; I do change my Whatsapp display picture regularly. And last week after so many months, I got some genuine comments from friends and cousins saying that I look my old self with a happy smile that reached my eyes.
If someone told me some years ago, that today I will be sitting in a pothole of emotions surrounded by so many queries about life itself, I might have mocked them. I was a person who had her perfect plan for life mapped out right from the age of 12. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew where I wanted to live, knew when not to fall in love, I knew which all countries I wanted to explore, knew the kind of house I wanted, I knew when to get married, how many kids I wanted, even had my retirement plans planned out. But none, absolutely none, worked out. To start with, I didn’t study what I wanted to (now I am), didn’t change cities when I wanted to, found love and lost, married at the wrong time and the wrong soul, my need of house changed to home, idea of parenthood changed, my perception for exploring changed, my opinion about life itself changed.
And all these took a toll on me.
Initially faced with adversities, I fought silently and came out of it with stronger wings and strength. I had this “I don’t care, it’ll be alright” attitude in me. The moment I lost it, I lost myself. I lost my happiness and basked in insecurities.
But recently something snapped inside me. I was all set to close down the unwanted chapters and people in my life, but that also didn’t work out as planned. That moment, I came to understand no matter what I do, no matter how much I stress out about my tomorrow’s, it will just happen as it is meant to. The amount of stress I give as input is not going to result in a better output. Infact it’s just ruining my present.
And last week after reading Corine’s Monday musings, it just cemented by my thoughts. The realization that what you do, how much you worry, tomorrow will definitely take care of itself. You don’t have to do much; you don’t have to worry much. You just have to do whatever you have to do today. And tomorrow will happen. Just like that. Stop worrying and start living.
My life is full of chaos at the moment. But I am ok and I am happy.
Title & Post idea courtesy: Corinne Rodrigues Of EverydayGyaan
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This is Post #3