Bond, Commitment, Divorce, Family, Love, Marriage, Relations, Soul mate, Trust

Relations! A child play?

Every child, be it a girl or boy, dream about been married to their soul mate. Right before they learn to be independent they start looking for that special person all around. But then, why the divorce rate of the present generation is rocketing so much?
Is this because, no one is ready to compromise? Or let go of their freedom, to be loyal and to be humble to their better half?
You fall in love with someone and at the end of the day you back out cos your parents won’t agree. The reason maybe different religion caste, family background, financial status, age or whatever it is (Indian Scenario). Actually, don’t you know your parents more than anyone, and you know what they expect for their child. So before getting committed to someone, can’t all the reasons be considered and then go for it. Love is blind. But after a point does the blindness go away and you regain eye sight?
Break-up is always a choice for the good of both individuals. If you find that you can’t get along with this person cos of your huge lot of in-differences, that’s a reason. Get out of each other’s life. But these days it’s always, “We are breaking up, cos our families won’t agree for this, and we don’t want to hurt our parents”. So when you were like Romeo and Juliet for past 2 or 3 years, mostly in college years, you didn’t have parents? Seriously, this is one thing I never seems to understand. You can’t always find your soul mate from the same status or religion or whatever criteria the family puts forward, but if you are ready to love that person ignoring all this, be ready to spend your life with them too.
As read somewhere, “Divorce/break up is just a fancy word masking what is truly a broken attachment between two people. Divorce is more than separating assets and belongings.  It’s the severing of a very strong bond founded on deep feelings of dependency and need. Believe it or not, you developed an attachment to your partner over the course of dating and marriage that connected you on an emotional and physiological level beyond what you realized.”
Marriage or commitment is always a choice. If you are willing to spend the rest of the days with him/her under every circumstance, plunge into that sacred constitution or else just back out before you get committed.
In very relation, be it in friendship, love, marriage, siblings, there are fights, word wars, anger, jealously, misunderstandings and imperfections. No one is perfect. Learn to love the imperfections. Give your best in all relations. Never hesitate to say I love you or I miss you. Have faith enough to say, “I trust you more than I love you”. Hug each other. Hold hands. Never miss to give a Smile at each other. Mean your words. Be proud of one another. Never break your promises, if you don’t mind to keep them, then don’t give out promises.
Try to hold the thread till the end, and if it’s meant to stay strong you won’t lose it, or else leave. If you have ever loved that person, you are gonna miss that individual when you back out. Why we have to miss someone when we could be with them throughout? So, never give up someone until you tried your best. 
As the Christian Marriage Vows says….
I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.
Give yourself to someone, “till death do us part”, and not only till you feel satisfied.
P.S. A self-reminder to a future me if ever I feel like giving up a relation. 🙂




19 thoughts on “Relations! A child play?”

  1. Valid points there!! The most important ingredients necessary for building a relationship ie Time and Patience are very very scarce now-a-days! And the result of that is in front of us, sadly!!

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  2. Relationships are certainly not a child's play but, to say that we should be looking at set parameters before getting into a relationship is wrong. And what do you mean by this generation? Is our generation the only one that has divorces? Is it wrong for us to walk out of marriages that are loveless? Is wrong for us to not want to compromise the integrity and ethics we are brought up on?
    Sure, every relationship is not that way, sure there are some people who take the fast way and then walk out on each other, that possibly is bad but, we learn through mistakes. Would you rather live in a world where you live with someone even after everything has gone wrong because you made a commitment?
    It is utterly wrong to blame our generation because we take these decisions.
    Sure, probably we should spend a LOT of time together
    PROBABLY WE WOULD BE BETTER
    But, what if it doesn't get better?
    I do not like the judgemental tone you take, I do not like how you people are so quick to blame a whole generation

    It is never possible to judge and weigh everything before you get committed, that was never possible in any age. We could possibly think how they behave in dates, in homes or even in our beds, but, it is not possible to determine how they will change in the long term. We compromise too, but, we limit our compromise to a certain part. I have seen the people of my generation have great relationships and I have seen the older generation live out in a love less one.
    I have seen parents who fight every night with their only semblance of connection being a signature on a dotted line.
    You are too quick to judge

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  3. Sheethal, here's my two pence worth:
    Only the wearer of the shoe knows where it pinches the most.

    Trust me, tomorrow or in future, when you think of giving up a relation, it will be for perfectly valid reasons dear. And not because you are treating it as a child's play. None of us treat relations as child's play. We all are made of the same mold. .. We all dream of having that Knight in Shining Armour who will love us till eternity. That is stories. Real life is REAL.. it does not have knights going around in search of their damsels. Real life has beasts who beat their wives daily if wives do not give their bodies to them. Real life has men who marry for their parent's wishes and realise on the first day of marriage that they made a mistake. Divorce happens. Real life has men who dump their wives because she can't bear him a child. Real life has men who are cowards and who can not own up their love because their parents said no. Real life has men who love to go around with pretty girls but who want docile sari-clad submissive virgin females for their wives.

    Indian scenario is full of crazy reasons for breakup – like Mama's boys who love to play with girls and then dump them because mama ne mana kiya hai.. she wants to find a girl for me herself. Or something like.. I am sorry I cannot love you. I love someone else. I only married you because that made my PARENTS happy. ya phir because mummy ne kaha.

    Trust me, no one breaks up because they want to. It takes two to make a successful relation.
    And both have to have the commitment to keep it alive and kicking.

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  4. For some reason unable to post comment:
    One last try:

    Sheethal, here's my two pence worth:
    Only the wearer of the shoe knows where it pinches the most.

    Trust me, tomorrow or in future, when you think of giving up a relation, it will be for perfectly valid reasons dear. And not because you are treating it as a child's play. None of us treat relations as child's play. We all are made of the same mold. .. We all dream of having that Knight in Shining Armour who will love us till eternity. That is stories. Real life is REAL.. it does not have knights going around in search of their damsels. Real life has beasts who beat their wives daily if wives do not give their bodies to them. Real life has men who marry for their parent's wishes and realise on the first day of marriage that they made a mistake. Divorce happens. Real life has men who dump their wives because she can't bear him a child. Real life has men who are cowards and who can not own up their love because their parents said no. Real life has men who love to go around with pretty girls but who want docile sari-clad submissive virgin females for their wives.

    Indian scenario is full of crazy reasons for breakup – like Mama's boys who love to play with girls and then dump them because mama ne mana kiya hai.. she wants to find a girl for me herself. Or something like.. I am sorry I cannot love you. I love someone else. I only married you because that made my PARENTS happy. ya phir because mummy ne kaha.

    Trust me, no one breaks up because they want to. It takes two to make a successful relation.
    And both have to have the commitment to keep it alive and kicking.

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  5. I was divorced because my first husband beat me. He was an alcoholic and in the end addicted to drugs. Even though we had went together for a little over a year, he didn't turn abusive until after the wedding. Then it got progressively worse. I had misgivings when I married him, but went ahead with it. I should have listened to my gut. I was a lot more selective the second time around and got a good man then who I will be with forever thankfully.

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  6. Thanks for reading and commenting. Truly appreciate it. 🙂

    And you know what, when a close friend of mine read this, first thing he said was…. “I don't think you're gonna follow what you write.” … I have seen and is still seeing some great relations in my generation(the so called criticized one)… and some not so good too. I have a sister who got divorced cos she couldn't cope with the insane-ism of the guy no matter how much she tried. And I know close ones broke up/divorced for no matter at all… And this one is for the latter. Maybe my tone and the way I wrote this is not right. I accept that…. and the judgmental thing was for them and also for myself. And like you said, “”every relationship is not that way, sure there are some people who take the fast way and then walk out on each other, that possibly is bad…”” … and that's what I was trying to say.

    Sorry if this hurt you…

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  7. I have a sister who also faced somewhat the same problems…. and thank God she kicked him out of her life before it got worse… Getting a worthy and a good person is always the biggest hurdle and once we meet such a person then that's a blessing. ❤ .... God Bless you and your family with loads of love.

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  8. “And both have to have the commitment to keep it alive and kicking.” …. I truly agree with your two pence worth…. which is actually much more than that. And the child play I was referring was about those mama's boy and such crazy people.

    P.S. Got three comments from your side,… all of them were in my inbox. Thanks a lot for taking the time to comment, re-comment and re-comment again. 🙂

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  9. so poignant! Being together isn't easy and building a relationship needs constant work and it's all about the two people in the relationship..the rest comes later..but in India so many factors make it difficult…it should be easier to choose or not… Loved your post 🙂

    Like

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